Don't Put Soap in My Egg Pan: Why We Need to Set Boundaries in Business

A few years ago my mom and I were traveling in the Pacific Northwest and booked a room in an Airbnb in Portland, Oregon. The woman who owned the house welcomed us in, showed us the chickens in the backyard, walked us through the house and we stopped to chat in the kitchen. 

"Any rules we should know about?" My mom asked.

"The only rule is don't put soap in my egg pan." 

We agreed, although this was definitely strange to us both that the egg pan was the only thing with a rule. My mom has owned a Bed & Breakfast since I was in middle school, and there were always lots of rules. (She did have 2 young daughters + dog + cats + another business in the house!)

And when you own your business you get to decide the rules. But if you've never had a business before setting "rules" aka boundaries can be tricky. I used to STRESS if I didn't get back to a client immediately. I was all consumed with being "professional" yet what I was- was a slave to my business. I had no set hours, no communication guidelines, and I said yes to just about everything. No boundaries=no good. 

There was one time I was on vacation with my then boyfriend, and I got a client email requesting access to a Dropbox folder of images. We were driving through the mountains of Colorado, I had a total freak out and had to find somewhere to stop so I could try and get internet and complete the task. Mood killer. Was it really needed right that minute, right that day? Probably not, but I took any request as urgent and responded like my life depended on it. Did I mention it was stressful living like this??

And this is something I now discuss with my coaching clients a lot- how to set boundaries in your work and how to communicate with clients when they need to be made aware of these boundaries. Sometimes it's as a simple as an auto email responder letting people know you'll respond in 24-48hrs unless urgent. Sometimes it's including your work hours in your email signature. And sometimes it's just letting yourself know that you are allowed breathing room, you're allowed to respond to people when you're finished with what you're working on, and if you're on vacation you're definitely allowed to put on the "out of office" notice and relax! Notice where your boundaries have been feeling squeezed lately and ask yourself what you can do ASAP to correct and give yourself the space/time/privacy/energy you need to function your best.

These days there's an abundance of communication options, and sometimes that's the issue in itself. I personally am still working on not feeling badly about not responding to Facebook messages right away, especially when they can pop up on my phone at all times. But alas, I'm not an ER doctor and I'm guessing you aren't either, and really pretty much everything can wait. 

What if failure is your norm?

I spoke at an amazing conference for artists this weekend (Self Employment in the Arts Conference check it out!). And one theme that came up again and again was failure. Having a book idea rejected for years, having projects flop, being told you aren't talented, being fired from jobs, working the wrong jobs...again and again people told stories of "failure". 

So why continue? Why keep pursuing your dream if it doesn't seem to be going anywhere? 

Because failure doesn't mean impossible. Failure doesn't mean you were wrong. Failure doesn't mean you were stupid. Failure doesn't mean you're not talented. Failure isn't failure unless you see it that way. Failure is your guiding light. Failure is the sign you need to course correct. Failure is the voice of the Universe saying I see you trying, try again, try better, try your best, you're still learning. You're still moving. Keep it going. 

Entrepreneurs don't play it safe. Risk is an inherent part of what we do. We're not business warriors because we get everything right, we're lifelong, dedicated, committed, going to try until we die, warriors for the truth. We fight for what we believe is going to change people's lives. We fight to find the story inside of us that will resonate with a generation. We fight for the art that will inspire a nation. We fight to find our own biggest struggles, bring them to light, find innovative solutions and share them so others can benefit. 

We fail and we fail and we fail. And we succeed. And it pays off. And we hold our visions tightly. And we hone our crafts. And we expand ourselves until we are doing what no one thought we were capable of. We stretch our minds, we travel the globe looking for our tribe, we outgrow our beliefs that say you're a failure, and we go beyond to the bigger picture, to the great unknown, to try new things, new platforms, new ideas, new movements that have never existed before. And we keep moving. We keep going. 

We're entrepreneurs. We're artists. We're scientists of failure and we're researching our capacity to change the formula and find a new answer. We're warriors of business. We're lovers of risk. We're failures until we decide that we're not. 

I won't tell you what to do

I’m not a go big or go home type of person. I’m an everyday show up do something that will move you towards your dream type of person. I won’t tell you to spend your last penny on a coaching package, unless you’re in complete alignment with that choice. I think for most of us it’s not about one big epic decision, but rather an ongoing commitment to the daily chugging along on the way to where we want to be. I won’t say you have to give 150% of your energy all the time, but rather listen to your energy, and when it says to push you push, and when it says relax, go inward, you do that too. I won’t tell you to do anything, but I will ask you to rise up to the potential you have, and I will help guide you to finding ways to make small shifts every day towards who you want to be, what kind of business owner you want to be, what kind of career you want, what kind of lifestyle you want, what kind of legacy you want to leave. I won’t tell you just what I think, but what I feel, and what I hear and see for you when I tap into my intuition and your energy. I will offer you insights, I will offer advice. I will offer you the space to listen to yourself and make the choices that are best for you. I will show up for my calling and I will ask that you do the same.

Entrepreneurship ain't always sexy

It's Friday night at 10:30 and I got hit with the need to write so voila. That's kinda how it goes with running your own creative business- your work brain never fully turns off. And there's always something work related you can do. Which makes not doing work and not feeling guilty about it a daily practice.

So here I am in my bed, wearing- deep breath- sweatpants I have owned since high school. Yup. And I know this because there's something written on the butt of them (so sorry stylist friends!). And I feel like this is a pretty good summary of what entrepreneurship looks like for most people. (I know some of you still own wordy butt pants you secretly wear!) But seriously it's not about this sexy lifestyle that we see on Instagram. I don't really know where all these super fit moms wearing matching bikinis with their kids or super rich dudes making Youtube ads showing off their mansions hang out but those aren't the entrepreneurs I know. 

The entrepreneurs I know are real people, who show up as humans and make big differences in the lives of the people they work with. They still struggle with things we all struggle with- money matters, relationship matters, family matters, career choices and the always present question of "How much coffee is really too much coffee?!"

And sometimes it feels like we're all a little crazy living in this entrepreneurship bubble, especially when you realize you have friends who literally can only do their work AT work and you're like MIND BLOWN. (And if you're like "But entrepreneurs have so much free time!" Uh no we have exactly 24 hours of opportunity to work every day. See sentence 1 for example.)

So why do it? Why take the risks that come with it? (Besides the chance to make tons of money, obviously.) Because I can't NOT do it. I really don't know what else I would be doing right now if I hadn't started a business 6 years ago, and then another 2 years ago. I know for sure that I wouldn't be as fulfilled. That's probably been the biggest blessing I've received from all this. Pure joy and fulfillment from the people I work with. Whether it's a client sharing a testimonial where we both end up crying tears of joy and gratitude, or squealing with excitement over the goals we've laid out. Or flying across the country to speak about mindset at a conference full of college professors and having someone come up to me after to say "I have to give you a hug, this was exactly what I needed to hear today." or another professor asking to interview me for her new book. Or jumping on Facebook live to do a video on the fly and having people say THANK YOU and that the message was helpful. Or that I helped transform someone's mindset around money and they're now charging what they truly want to and making a living with their art. 

I feel like I have no choice but to do this work. And while it's challenged me in SO many ways, there's nothing I'd rather be doing. Every moment of connection and impact supersedes every moment of fear, doubt, frustration, and hustle that I've had.